Question Everything: Living Life Beyond Societal Norms

Jul 23

Have you ever stopped to think about all the rules we follow without even questioning them? The ways we spend our time, the things that are actually fucking inconvenient but we just do because we “should”? It’s time to take a step back and ask ourselves: are these rules really serving us, or are we just going through the motions?

Don’t just blindly follow the rules society sets; question everything and live with intention! That’s how you create a purposeful life.

Here’s a look at some societal norms we often accept without a second thought, and how rethinking them can lead to a more fulfilling existence.

The Origin of Societal Norms

Societal norms are unwritten rules that govern our behaviour and expectations in society. These norms are deeply rooted in culture, tradition, and history, influencing everything from how we dress to how we interact with others. They can provide a sense of order and predictability, but they can also be restrictive, outdated, and stifling.

Historically, many of these norms were established to maintain social order and cohesion. For example, traditional gender roles were created during times when survival depended on a clear division of labour. However, as society evolves, these norms often become obsolete, yet we continue to follow them without question.

Many of these are rooted in patriarchal structures and religious doctrines, which have historically sought to control and limit the roles and freedoms of women. Here are some norms that have been perpetuated by these institutions:

1. Traditional Gender Roles

Historical Norm: The expectation that women should primarily be homemakers and caregivers stems from patriarchal beliefs and religious teachings that promote distinct roles for men and women.
Modern Impact: This has led to the undervaluing of domestic work and caregiving roles, predominantly done by women, and contributes to the gender pay gap as women's work is often seen as less valuable.

2. Marriage and Childbearing

Historical Norm: Many religions emphasise the importance of women marrying and bearing children as their primary purpose, limiting their opportunities for personal and professional growth.
Modern Impact: Elder women are often seen as less valuable because they are no longer of childbearing age, leading to societal pressures and ageism. Men lusting after younger women 🤮 and terms like "mutton dressed as lamb" reinforce this bias.

3. Modesty in Dress

Historical Norm: Religious and patriarchal norms often dictate that women should dress modestly to avoid attracting attention, placing the burden of modesty on women rather than promoting respect from men.
Modern Impact: Women are still judged and shamed based on their attire, facing slut-shaming and victim-blaming if they don't conform to certain standards of modesty.

4. Submissiveness

Historical Norm: Religious texts and patriarchal societies have often promoted the idea that women should be submissive to male authority, whether in the home, workplace, or community.
Modern Impact: Women who assert themselves are often labelled as rude, aggressive, or crazy, perpetuating the stereotype that they should be passive and compliant.

5. Prohibition of Certain Careers

Historical Norm: Women have historically been discouraged from pursuing careers in fields deemed inappropriate or too demanding, based on the belief that their primary role is within the home.
Modern Impact: Women in male-dominated fields still face discrimination and stereotypes, and their career choices are often questioned or undermined.

6. Restrictions on Leadership

Historical Norm: Many religious institutions and patriarchal societies restrict women from holding leadership positions, both in religious contexts and in broader societal structures.
Modern Impact: There is still a significant gender gap in leadership roles across industries, and women leaders often face greater scrutiny and higher standards than their male counterparts.

7. Sexual Purity

Historical Norm: The emphasis on female virginity and sexual purity before marriage is a norm perpetuated by patriarchal and religious ideologies, often placing undue pressure and shame on women.
Modern Impact: Women continue to face double standards regarding their sexuality, with terms like "slut" used to shame those who do not conform to traditional notions of sexual purity.

8. Limiting Education

Historical Norm: In some historical contexts, women's education was limited or neglected, based on the belief that their roles did not require advanced knowledge or skills.
Modern Impact: While educational opportunities have improved, women in certain cultures or communities still face barriers to accessing education, limiting their career prospects and personal development

But it doesn’t stop there! There’s all kinds of crazy things that we have picked up along the way that dictate how we should spending our time when in fact… pretty much all of it is up for negotiation.

Here are some examples:

Sleeping in the same bed as your spouse
The idea that couples must sleep in the same bed can actually lead to poor sleep quality for both partners. Snoring, different sleep schedules, and tossing and turning can disrupt rest. Opting for separate beds…or even separate rooms…can improve sleep quality and overall health.
Breakfast Daily, Toast and Cereal
We’ve been told breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and sometimes it might be…but that doesn’t mean it has to be toast and cereal. In many Asian cultures, a nourishing bowl of broth is a common breakfast choice. Or, skip breakfast altogether if you’re not hungry and explore intermittent fasting.
Following a 9-to-5, 40 hour work schedule
The traditional 9-to-5, 40-hour work schedule isn’t necessarily the most productive for everyone. In fact, studies have shown that people aren't consistently productive for this entire duration. There's no rule that says we need to work specific hours, a certain amount of time, or on designated days. Embrace flexible hours or remote work if it suits your lifestyle better. Productivity isn’t tied to a clock; it’s about finding your own rhythm and working in a way that maximises your efficiency and well-being.
Marriage and Kids
Society often dictates that happiness comes from marriage and children. But a fulfilling life can be child-free, and long-term happiness and great relationships don’t have to include marriage. Find what works for you, whether that’s solo adventures, strong friendships, or unconventional family setups.
Adhering to traditional gender roles
Traditional gender roles can be limiting. Share household chores based on strengths and preferences rather than societal expectations. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or earning, let go of outdated norms and create an equitable partnership.
Attending university to be successful
Success isn’t solely defined by a university degree. Vocational training, apprenticeships, or self-learning can lead to fulfilling careers. Some of the most interesting people I know (me included) didn’t finish their degree or instead have some other kind of valuable training. MANY people I know don’t even use the degree they have. There are many educational paths so explore ones that align with your interests and goals.
Dieting to stay slim
I've seen TOOOOO MANY women follow strict dietary rules, but here's the thing: diets are rubbish. The diet industry is a money-making machine that doesn't have your best interests at heart. Everyone's body is different, so it's crucial to listen to your own needs rather than adhering to ridiculous advice. Forget calorie counting, crazy meal plans, and working out to burn off calories. Instead, focus on health and wellness. Eat when you're hungry, and choose foods that fuel your body and make you feel good. Sometimes that includes chocolate mousse and pizza!
Beauty Standards
The pressure to conform to beauty standards can be overwhelming. Embrace your natural beauty, experiment with makeup if you enjoy it, or go makeup-free. Celebrate diversity and define beauty on your own terms, and allow others to do the same.
No going solo
There’s a notion that women shouldn’t travel alone for safety reasons. However, solo travel can be empowering and liberating. Take precautions, do your research, and explore the world independently. Trust me, it is FUN!
Following mainstream fitness routines
For some reason, many women think that they must torture their body and punish themselves for eating and therefore slave away on the stair master or something they hate and is EXTREMELY BORING. Hot take… exercise can and should be fun. Instead of following mainstream fitness routines, workout in a way that is fun for you, that you enjoy, that celebrates moving your body.
Appropriate, Safe career choices
Women are often nudged toward certain careers deemed ‘appropriate’. Pursue fields that genuinely interest you, even if they’re male-dominated. Challenge the status quo and pave your own path.
Never talking money
Discussing finances openly and taking control of your financial future is crucial. Don’t shy away from financial planning, investments, and money management. Knowledge is power, and financial independence is freedom.
Parenthood
Society has set expectations for motherhood that can feel restrictive. Parent in a way that feels right for you. Whether that means co-parenting, single parenting, or opting out altogether, make choices, rules and boundaries that align with your values and lifestyle.
You gotta look cool
Fashion rules can be restrictive and outdated. Plus they’re fucking terrible for the environment. Wear what makes you feel comfortable and confident, regardless of trends or societal expectations. Your style should reflect who you are, not what’s in vogue.
Owning the latest technology
There's no need to always own the latest technology; instead, focus on using what truly meets your needs and preferences. By choosing gadgets and devices that genuinely enhance your life, you avoid unnecessary expenses and complications.
Watch the news to be informed
Now I don’t know if you’ve noticed… but the news is fucking depressing. And super repetitive. There are definitely better ways to start or end the day and with the internet… there are a bazillion less hectic ways to find out what’s going on in the world.

It’s actually a bit crazy right? There are so many things we do without intention and many of them make our lives way more complicated, way less fun, way more judgy and weird and absolutely inauthentic.

Challenge Norms: Live Authentically

Living authentically means questioning societal norms and creating a life that aligns with your values. It’s about making intentional choices that lead to fulfillment and happiness. Don’t be afraid to challenge the status quo and live life on your own terms.

By questioning everything and making a choice about how you spend our time, you create a purposeful life that truly reflects who you are. Don’t let societal norms dictate your choices. Challenge the status quo, embrace your uniqueness, and live life authentically.

Practical Advice to Question and Redefine Your Life

1. Reflect: Take time to reflect on your choices. Ask yourself if you're doing things because you want to or, because you feel you should.

2. Stay Curious: Approach life with a sense of curiosity. Don’t be afraid to explore new ways of thinking and doing.

3. Seek Diverse Perspectives: Surround yourself with people who think differently. Diverse perspectives can inspire you to question and grow.

4. Set Intentional Goals: Define what success means to you. Set goals that align with your values and passions.

5. Practise Mindfulness: Stay present and mindful in your daily actions. This helps you make conscious choices rather than following routines on autopilot.

Journal prompts to help you uncover the goods:

What societal norms do I follow without questioning?
How do these affect my happiness and well-being?
What changes can I make to live more intentionally?
What would my ideal day look like if I ignored societal expectations?
In what ways, do I conform to beauty standards, and how can I redefine beauty for myself?
What career choices would I make if I ignored gender norms or “safe” careers?
What traditions or routines do I follow that no longer serve me?
What does a fulfilling life look like for me?
What would it feel like to be free from societal pressures?

C CHARLES