Taking up space: How to stop apologizing and start owning your power
For a long time, I thought I had to shrink myself to make other people comfortable.
The moment I started leveling up…setting bigger goals, refusing to settle, asking for more…I noticed something.
People laughed at my goals.
They made "jokes" that weren’t really jokes.
They told me I was obsessed, that I had changed, and that I was "too much."
At first, it hurt. And I questioned myself a lot... Am I being too much? Am I “full of myself”…Should I tone it down? I learned not to tell people about my goals.
But then I realized something powerful... people who play small feel threatened by those who dare to play big.
And studies back it up. Research has found that people often project their own insecurities onto others who challenge their comfort zones. When you grow, it highlights their stagnation.
So if you’re sick of watering down yourself down, of shrinking just to make others comfortable, this one’s for you.
Here’s how to take up space…fully and unapologetically.
1. Stop shrinking to fit their expectations
Most of us have been conditioned to believe that...
❌ Wanting more is selfish.
❌ Confidence is arrogance.
❌ We should just be grateful for what we have.
Screw that. We are allowed to want epic shit for our lives.
You have one life. Why waste it playing small to appease people who are too afraid to go after their own dreams?
Instead of asking...
"What will they think if I go after this?"
Ask yourself...
"What will I think of myself if I don’t?"
Your dreams don’t need permission from other people. Stop waiting for approval that may never come.
2. Accept that not everyone will get it... and that's okay
When people mock your determination, call you obsessed, or act like you’re "too much" …
they’re telling you more about their own limitations than they are about you.
Some people will be inspired by you. Others will feel exposed because your growth triggers something in them.
A study in The European Journal of Social Psychology found that people who fear failure are more likely to criticize those who take bold risks. Yeah, it sucks… it annoys me too. But it is what it is. All we can do is make peace with the fact that if you are levelling up and trying to do epic things, people will hate on you for it.
You can’t control how others see you. You can only control how much you let it affect you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them judge.
Let them talk.
Their opinions are none of your business.
Mantra:
"Their judgment won’t pay my bills, build my dreams, or live my life... so why should I care?"
3. Speak about your goals with confidence
How many times have you downplayed your goals because you didn’t want to sound arrogant? I know I have done it a lot!
Stop saying...
"Oh, I’m just trying this little thing..."
"It’s not a big deal, but..."
"I don’t know if it’ll work, but I’m giving it a shot."
Instead, own it.
"I’m building something incredible, and I’m excited about it."
"This is just the beginning... I have huge goals."
"I’m going all in, and I know it’s going to work."
Why this works:
Studies in linguistics and cognitive psychology show that the words we use shape our beliefs and actions. When you speak confidently, your brain starts to believe it’s real.
(Ok… maybe this section is actually for me. Being modest is so deeply ingrained, especially for women. We’re taught to downplay, to soften, to not seem “too much.”
But one of my favorite reminders? “Channel the confidence of a mediocre white man.”
You KNOW they’re out here talking loudly about every little thing they’re doing... so why shouldn’t you?)
Confidence isn’t arrogance... it’s conviction in your own potential. Stop playing small and start owning all of the epic stuff you’re doing.
4. Protect your energy like your life depends on it
Not everyone deserves access to you.
If people belittle your goals or your work and make you feel small, you have two choices:
1. Set boundaries and limit their influence over you.
2. Cut them out entirely.
This isn’t about being mean... it’s about self-respect.
Ask yourself...
Are the people around you supporting your growth, or are they trying to keep you at their level?
Your environment shapes your mindset. Being around negative, small-minded people literally rewires your brain for self-doubt. Your circle will either elevate you or drain you. Choose wisely.
5. Keep moving…no matter what they say
The best way to silence the haters? Succeed anyway.
People will doubt you... until they ask for your advice.
They’ll mock you... until they see your results.
They’ll talk shit... until they realize they should have been taking notes.
Your job?
Keep going.
The fear of failure decreases significantly once you take action. The brain’s fear response weakens when you repeatedly push past discomfort and keep proving to yourself you can do hard things. The only way to fail is to stop.
Final thought: you are allowed to take up space
The fact that you’re aiming high and want more for your life isn’t something to apologize for. Your dreams aren’t “too big.” You are not “too much.”
You are allowed to take up space.
And if that makes people uncomfortable?
Let them adjust.
Some prompts for you…
Where have I been shrinking myself to make others comfortable?
What would change if I stopped apologizing for taking up space?
What’s the dream I’ve been quietly keeping to Myself? Write about it as if you’re already living it…how does it feel?
What’s one area where I can start showing up bigger right now?
Maybe it’s speaking about your goals with more confidence.
Maybe it’s setting a boundary with someone who doesn’t respect your growth.
Maybe it’s finally making a move on something you’ve been holding back on.
What’s one small, bold action I can take today to claim my space?
